Being Grown Up

There was an old story about two wolves – good wolf and bad wolf and the one you feed more, becomes stronger with time & the other, weaker. The wolves represent our – desires, temptations, habits, behavior i.e. everything about our nature that’s private, intimate to us and has the capacity to drive us into an insane pursuit.


There used to be a time when I had a desire to live life untamed. I used to get tempted and buy things, despite those not being a necessity and later regret buying them. I’d take more food on the plate than I could consume and regret throwing food away. Sometime I’d eat more than I could digest and later regret. I would drink often despite knowing tomorrow it’s gonna give hangovers and headache & hamper my productivity. I would smoke even more despite knowing it’s killing me slowly. I had addictions to even more nefarious elements of life too. Laziness, Procrastination were ruling me. Then, these cumulative regrets crossed that thin line, where I decided – it was enough. It’s my body, it’s my mind & I’m more than a slave to my desires.


We’ve a lot of anxieties in us. The existential angst that we relieve by few hours of shopping, or dining out, or travelling. It doesn’t fix the problem. It makes us escape from them momentarily. We have preferences, likes and dislikes. Our desires, our temptations, our sense of good and bad – these are what we are composed of. Therefore, we normally believe that desires are good too and suppressing desires is wrongful. If desires are suppressed by will, we call it sacrifice and if suppressed by circumstances or society we call it’s oppression. But desires harm us too. They often lead us to seek instant gratification and procrastinate what’s important for us and we have to suffer panic attack when we run out of time. The unintended results make us regret.


I’ve a vision of what I want to be and I must dictate the rules and act in a manner that favors my vision and not what the instant gratification monkey tells me to do. It takes a lot of effort to beat the inner demons of desire. Growing up, I’ve realized, being grown up is about taking command of your actions, it’s about delaying gratification for maximal results, it’s about resisting bias, it’s about resisting temptations, resisting procrastination, consciously and constantly, without fail, it’s about being strong and not being a slave to the desires.

It’s our constant conscious practice which finally makes its way to the subconscious i.e. our superego and that’s what makes us incorruptible.


Courage is not the absence of fear, it’s the resistance to it.
Mark Twain

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